For almost all of my crushes, flings and relationships I’ve played the game like a woman. And you know what, it hasn’t worked out for me. If I like a guy, I dive in head first and my expectations soar through the roof. I’m always the one to text first and I’m waiting anxiously for the text back. I’m always the one who puts my heart on the line and inevitably, hurts the most when it doesn’t work out. And despite having honest intentions and genuinely wanting to be in a relationship, I’ve sabotaged love.
This Wednesday, like any other Wednesday, I was listening to the podcast “Call Her Daddy.” If you’re not familiar, it’s a sex and relationships podcast hosted by Alex Cooper. This week, Cooper said something powerful that’s stuck with me and that’s in order to succeed with a relationship, you need to date like a man. At first, the idea seemed ridiculous. However, the more Cooper explained, the more it felt like she was speaking right to me.
I put so much into relationships that haven’t even become relationships. Many of the guys I’ve given my heart to never became my boyfriend, which means that they always held the power and had the upper hand. I also needed to hear that if a guy isn’t texting me back, making plans or expressing interest—then he’s just not that into me.
But what does it mean to date like a man? How do we unlearn everything we thought was right and start over? Let me put it this way. There’s an episode of “Seinfeld” where George, the character who’s always down on his luck, decides to do the opposite of what his gut tells him—leading him to success. Ladies, if we want to drive the guy crazy, we need him to chase us. And how do we do that? By playing at HIS game.
If you’ve got a guy in your sights, you need to be the one who’s in control. That means waiting for him to pursue you and make the moves. I know that modern feminism is teaching us to lean in but in this instance, sit back and wait for him to bite the bait. If he’s not coming after you, it’s time to move on. You’re a busy woman and don’t have time to be giving attention to a guy that isn’t showing you any. You don’t want to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you, so why would you want to date someone who’s not into you? There are billions (yes, billions) of men out there and finding “the one” can require some work. Hell, we don’t buy the first pair of shoes we see—we need to try on a pair or two (or twenty) until we find the perfect fit.
Knowing your worth and not putting men on a pedestal is integral to healthy relationships. You need to know that you’re worth attention, love and affection—so don’t sell yourself short with a guy who only wants a booty call. As RuPaul would say, “If you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else?” And if there’s anyone to listen to advice from, it’s a drag queen.